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My Co-Workers Are Jealous Haters!

October 20, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I hope you can help me with this problem. You see, I like to talk to invisible people at work and now my colleagues are complaining about it. They say there’s no one there and that I should stop trying to share my lunch with no one. How dare they be so insensitive about my friends? I can’t help it if my friends are thinner and more attractive than my ugly colleagues. How can I get my colleagues to leave Steve, Bob and Long Cock Silver alone so that we can discuss all things adult at length and in peace?

—Desperate in Denver

Dear Desperate,

Dr. Lulzington knows that often, imaginary people can be much better than real people. They ARE better looking than most, tend to have better genitalia, and don’t talk about their distended colons at the dinner table like some certain members of the Lulzington family tend to do. Who cares about your real co-workers? They can go straight to hell if they’re jealous of your obviously superior friends.

On a personal note, does Long Cock Silver live up to his name? If so, please tell him that Dr. Lulzington goes both ways, and there’s pretty much nothing he won’t do. Thanks!

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From → Work

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