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My Children Are Horrible And Ungrateful!

October 20, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I am an elderly mother of three grown children who cause me nothing but heartache and pain. They never pick up a phone to call me – I have to be the one to call them each day. They refuse to visit, despite the fact that they all live within a day’s drive of me. When they do visit, they scream and cuss at me as soon as I begin to make suggestions on how they can improve their lives (dress better, have better spouses than the one they have, how to raise my grandchildren better, etc.).

I don’t know what to do. It’s a mother’s job to nag incessantly, isn’t it? Why are they so mean and cold to me? Are they bad seeds?

—Good Mother In Georgia

Dear “Good Mother”,

Dr. Lulzington loves it when parents raise children who become bitter, angry adults and then try to pin the blame on the children. Well, it’s a good thing you came to me, because I can honestly tell you that you have failed as a parent. Your children are adults with children of their own (which, by referring to them as ‘my grandchildren’ shows that you are trying to take some kind of possession over them as well). Why don’t you try being supportive of the decisions which they have earned the right to make on their own? To summarize, try being more of a supportive, loving person and less of a bitter old twat waffle.

On another note…if you’re lonely, or just depressed because you just found out this late in life that you’re a failure as a human being, Dr. Lulzington can help. He just bought a webcam for a side project of his. Why don’t you set one up too, and show Dr. Lulzington those long, saggy udders of yours? It’s OK – I’m a doctor! 😉


From → Family

  1. This is really funny. Keep writing for sure.

  2. Smartie permalink

    It’s OK – I’m a doctor!


  3. I am often searching for brandnew blogposts in the net about this theme. Thx!!

  4. My kids are self centered assholes also, who could give a shit about anyone else but themselves.Once the cell phone is on they could watch me burn to a pile of ashes and would whine if the service was out.They also don’t call me unless they need money,or a ride somewhere.I cant wait for them to grow the fuck up and move out of my house.The one is 12 the other is 10 ,what a pain in the ass age to deal with.Ugh!

  5. How do I get my credit rating down to zero?. .So these insurance,credit card,lending institutions,state and federal finance lending agentcies,and all the other assholes that want my finance charges,can finally leave me alone?

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