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I’m Addicted To Internet Porn!

October 21, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I get really excited when I get near a keyboard. Right now I can feel blood flowing through my ….veins. I think I have an addiction to internet porn. I look at it all the time. When I am not near a computer, I get excited just at the sight of a keyboard. Sometimes I rub my keyboard on my ….ummm groin area. Should I be concerned that now my penis has an N and a U on it?

—Tap Happy in Tucson

Dear Tap Happy,

Join the club! You’ll be happy and relieved to hear from Dr. Lulzington that there is nothing wrong with Internet porn addictions!  Why, Dr. Lulzington himself has masturbated several times this morning alone – all to Internet porn. Have you gotten into the bizarre stuff yet? You know, like gas masks? Midgets? Midgets in gas masks? That’s Dr. Lulzington’s latest fetish. Soooooo gooooooooood!!!! 😛

I have to ask you one thing, though. Why are you, someone who looks at porn all day, using clean words to describe your junk? It’s called a dick. Or a cock. Be proud that you have one. Without it, you couldn’t get near any vag…unless you’re a lesbian, and you can’t be a lesbian with a penis (but Dr. Lulzington wishes it was possible).

Speaking of lesbians, do you have any links to some good, kinky girl-on-girl midget porn? Preferably something involving gas masks? Dr. Lulzington thanks you in advance with his one free hand!

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From → Health, Sex

2 Comments
  1. Smartie permalink

    Ow, wouldn’t it hurt to rub a keyboard on your bits? I suppose if you had one of those silicon travel ones…hmmm I should stop thinking about these things!

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