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How do I quit smoking?

October 22, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I have been a heavy smoker for over 30 years and I have tried every possible way to quit. You name it – cold turkey, patches, gum, antidepressants…nothing works. I can get through the nicotine withdrawal, but the psychological urge to draw smoke into my lungs is too hard to resist. I don’t want to come down with lung cancer or emphysema. Please help! I’ll take any suggestions!

—Too Smoky In Tulsa

Dear Too Smoky,

Dr. Lulzington feels your pain. Allow him to relate a story. When Dr. Lulzington was a boy, his parents’ bodies were often possessed and used as portals of evil by Satan himself. This would frighten Dr. Lulzington, until one day, by accident, he discovered that cigarette smoke somehow acted as a shield around him. That is how he became a smoker.

Dr. Lulzington *does not heart* the complications that arise from smoking, so after he moved out, he decided it was time to quit. Missing the same feeling that you do, he discovered that there were plenty of other things to smoke in place of cigarettes.

They say that cigarettes are harder to quit than heroin. Why not start with that? Marijuana, cocaine, crack, and crystal meth can also be smoked. Believe you me, Dr. Lulzington forgot all about tobacco when he discovered the cornucopia of other smokables out there. Crack and meth are the most affordable drugs if you’re on a budget.

Sure, other complications will arise, but sometimes we just need a crutch. Let me know how it goes, and come visit if you need someone to ‘smoke out’ with. Ta!

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From → Health

2 Comments
  1. JohnnyDrama permalink

    LOL 🙂

  2. Nice site and good helping people quit smoking

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