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Who Is My Baby’s Father?

October 26, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

A little over a year ago, I went through a rough time regarding my substance abuse. I became pregnant during this period and cleaned up my act as soon as I found out. Now, I have a beautiful baby, a decent job, and a stable life. My problem is that I slept with dozens of men during the week that I conceived, and I cannot find the father. Every man I approach says the same thing: “It wasn’t me”.

I’ve tried doing what every woman in my position does – I went on the Maury Povich show several times, where they ran paternity tests on three men per show. None of them were the father.

I’ve got it narrowed down to like 32 guys now, but it’s so embarrassing every time I get pwn3d on national TV like that. If I have to see one more of my former one-night stands do the Stanky Legg when he finds out he isn’t the father, I may have to open a vein! Help!

—Needing an answer

Dear Needing,

It wasn’t me. Pwn3d! *does Stanky Legg*

  1. Sarah permalink

    Best wishes, I hope you get the chance to let your child see their father. If not don’t worry had a father and he wasn’t in my life and I turned out great. either way just hold your head up and do what you got to do.

  2. nikkim1976 permalink

    Mr Nikki also said “It wasn’t me, either!” and did the stanky legg.

    Pwn3d again!

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