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Ask Dr. Lulzington: The World Series Edition

November 2, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

My boyfriend, “Alex” and I are on the verge of a breakup and it’s all because of the World Series! We’re both baseball fans, but we both come from different parts of Jersey. I grew up near exit 16 on the Turnpike, so I’m a Yankees fan. Alex grew up near exit 4 and is a Phillies fan. There has been more fighting in this house than in front of a Kansas abortion clinic! How do I make this stop?

—Resentful in Rahway

Dear Resentful,

Guess what? The renaissiance faire where Dr. Lulzington was born was near exit 16! And as a Yankee fan, he sees the answer clearly.

Dr. Lulzington noticed that you chose “Alex” for your boyfriend’s fake name. You are obviously obsessed with Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez, no?

Show your man that the Yankees own Philadelphia by seeking out A-Rod and having an affair with him. Hell, he’s willing to pork Madonna, so without even looking at you, Dr. L. thinks you’d have a fighting chance. Find out where he parties and get him drunk or something. Dr. L. knows his Jersey Girls, they get what they want with their Jersey hotness. Go for it! Take pictures and email them to Dr. L.! Yankees rule!


From → humor, Relationships

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