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Is My Boyfriend A Drug Dealer?

November 5, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I’m concerned about my new boyfriend. He is so weird! For example, we’ll be out on a date, and he’ll stop at some remote location. He’ll tell me to wait in the car, and he disappears for a few minutes and comes back. Also, he cell phone rings constantly and he’s always whispering into it. There always seems to be shady characters around when I’m at his apartment, and there’s always some nasty concoction cooking on the stove.

My friends say that he’s a drug dealer. What do you think? What should I do?

—Confused in Cincinnati

—Dear Confused,

Well, you came to the expert. Good for you! In Dr. Lulzington’s opinion, yes, your boyfriend is a drug dealer. He’s probably cooking meth on the stove.

There’s only one thing you can do…and that is to give Dr. Lulzington your boyfriend’s number. This will give him more business, giving him the ability to take you out on fancier dates. Plus it will keep Dr. L in a constant state of self-medication. Everybody wins!

Tell your man that Dr. L. buys in bulk. Thanks in advance!

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8 Comments
  1. Nikkim1976 permalink

    Also, tell your boyfriend for a slight fee you will go to every drug store in town and buy the “good” sudafed, and mucinex. You know..the stuff behind the counter..

  2. hahaha I just came across your site and I freaking love it!!! Following!

  3. NikkiM1976 permalink

    Damaged beyond repair, Good Doctor.

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