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I’m A Total And Complete Fake!

November 6, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I have a serious problem.  I’m in love with a wonderful, sweet, and funny guy, and he loves me back!  However, everything I have told him about my life, is a lie.

“Brian” thinks I’m a successful, freelance writer, with the body of a model, and legs that go on for miles.  The truth is, I’m about 5ft 4 inches, and I do have the body of a model—a plus sized one.  He also believes I am a Pageant Queen. I do hold many titles, but truthfully, I purchased them or made them up completely.  I am set to meet my man, IRL, very soon.  How can I “come clean” about my many fabrications?  It will be obvious to him when he sees me that I am not who I said I was.

Oh, and can you also tell me how to lose about 300 lbs in 14 days?  It won’t take me to “model size” but it will be better than the 500lbs I currently tip the scales at.

—Total Fake

-Dear Total Fake,

Dr. Lulzington wouldn’t worry about this at all. Just come clean. If he rejects you, he has no idea what he’s missing. There’s an old saying, “Once you go fat, you never go back!” Dr. L. will be there to gently pick up the pieces for you. Or roughly, if that is what you prefer. Remember, Dr. Lulzington loves obese psychos, so if you get rejected, come right over here for a time you’ll never forget.

It’s OK…I’m a doctor! 😉



From → humor, Relationships

One Comment
  1. chikkijaxun permalink


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