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I Got Ripped Off, And I Want Revenge!

November 9, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I don’t think I can go to Dear Abby with this one. I was selling this old sofa of mine, and my friend knows this guy in the next town, “Bob” that wanted to buy it. Well, I bring it over to his trailer, and I even helped him bring it in. Then when we went outside I assumed he was going to pay me the $100 for the sofa, but instead he ran in and locked the door behind him!

I don’t think the police want to deal with this sort of thing, plus it’s a friend of a friend so that could cause a whole other lot of trouble for me. I want to get even without getting into trouble myself! I figured you would know how. Help!

—Conned in Conroe

Dear Conned,

You know what? A few years ago, Dr. Lulzington was in almost the same pickle! I had sold a very nice stereo to someone on Craiglist, and when I brought it over, he took the damn thing and slammed the door in my face! Dr. Lulzington was beyond furious. It wasn’t about the money, but it was about being bilked, just like yourself.

What my stereo thief and Bob have in common is that they are both ridiculously stupid. You know where and how Bob lives!

Let Dr. L. spell it out for you by going back to his own experience. You see, “Bubba” was also kind of a redneck, a real man’s man. There was a wife/gf and a couple of little rugrats screaming around the house as Dr. L. observed through a window while trying to grab someone’s attention.

Now, years later, Dr. L. still gets many lulz from a few very small investments he made. Yes, the plan costs money, but money well spent when Dr. L. thinks of the look on Bubba’s woman’s face when she sees that he’s an eager subscriber to such heterosexual beer-swilling male publications as Black Inches, Chicks With Dicks, and US Weekly.

Look, Dr. Lulzington is laughing right now! No wait…that’s the nitrous. Anyway, I hope my reply has inspired you. Good luck!


From → Crime, humor

  1. anonymous permalink

    it’s only $100 so let it go and don’t think about it and then you will have gotten yourself back in balance or even.

  2. anonymous permalink

    Don’t feel bad. I remember a time years ago when I worked for a plumbing company, the boss and I drove up to the Belmont hills to install a water heater. The customer was a very friendly guy and was chatting with us while we were putting in the water heater. When we finished, the customer wrote out a check, to the tune of close to $800.00, and was all smiles as the garage door came and we were waving goodbye to him. For some reason the boss was a little leery of the guy so he decided to go straight to the bank with the check. By the time we got to the bank, the customer had already called the bank and put a stop on the check. The boss, needless to say, was not too happy about the situation, but he said it would cost too much to take the guy to court, so he let it slide. I wanted to go back to the guy’s house in a rainstorm and dump a couple hundred pounds of rock salt on his lawn, but the boss said to calm down and let it go. But it just goes to show, there are people like that out there. You just have to be as careful as you can when dealing with people you don’t know, even if they are a friend of a friend.

  3. anonymous permalink

    I would have tipped his trailer over and called it even.

  4. NikkiM1976 permalink

    I’m with Anon #3. Tipping over that trailer woula showed him!

  5. Shetz permalink

    I’m not gonna go into detail here…but there have been a few people who tried to con me, rip me off. I ALWAYS made SURE their “payment” was at LEAST 7x what they owed me. I fuckin’ got EVEN…and then some.

    I have no guilt whatsoever for teaching assholes who make a practice of ripping people off that there is a wall you eventually hit by living this way. I was the wall. Tough shit for them.

    • Dr. Lulzington likes how you think. Kick ass and take no prisoners. And if that fails, send a bunch of embarrassing materials to their homes. 😉

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