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My Noisy Neighbor Is Driving Me Insane!

November 11, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I’m writing to you because my upstairs neighbor, “Rhonda”, is insane, and is trying to pass her insanity on to me by being as noisy as possible in the most obnoxious possible ways.

For example, one day she played the same David Archuleta song, “Crush” on an endless loop all day at top volume. Another time, she spent all night screaming and stamping around her apartment. I’ve tried to speak with her nicely, but she doesn’t think that there is anything wrong with her behavior. I’ve even tried earplugs, but I can still hear her because she’s so loud!

I’m slowly losing my mind. What do I do?

—Batty in Birmingham

—Dear Batty,

David Archuleta? Yikes! Dr. Lulzington’s heart goes out to you. This problem has a solution. It will take a little work, but if you do it right, noise will no longer be an issue.

What you need to do is to GET EVEN! Give Rhonda a dose of her own medicine (as opposed to the medicine her doctor prescribed, but she apparently refuses to take).

Let’s start by sticking some large speakers to your ceiling, face up so that the sound goes directly into the apartment upstairs. Then, find the music that is the opposite to the music she likes. Since David Archuleta is what she likes, you may want to pick a song like System Of A Down’s “BYOB”. When it appears that she has gone to sleep, wait an hour, and then play the song on an endless loop at full volume. When she knocks on your door in a rage, say “How’s it feel?” and slam the door in her face. Then, when she’s gone back upstairs, go take a little overnight trip and forget to shut the stereo off.

She will probably never make a peep again. If you’re lucky, she’ll move. Good luck!

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From → humor

4 Comments
  1. NikkiM1976 permalink

    I like this advice. I shall try it the next time my neighbor pisses me off.

  2. Darklighter permalink

    First of all, System Of A Down kicks ass! *tarding* I love this song!
    Second of all, that’s an awesome advice! Me& my friends did that a few times when we had parties and the neighbors had loud awful music. =D

    • Dr. Lulzington likes to imagine the looks of surprise and shock on their faces when SOAD start screaming. 😀 Good times.

  3. Irish (SGV) permalink

    I had a noisy neighbor. Used to have parties till nidnight playing carnival music. So my remedy was 2 bring my boat out of storage, so when they were partying and such, I just fired that 454 with basset headers up !! Shoock the shit out of them and I haven’t heard a peep from them in 2 months. LMAO

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