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The Cat Lady Next Door Scares The Crap Out Of Me!

November 27, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I live next door to this dirty old woman who at last count owns at least 30 cats. They are all indoor cats, but the smell coming out of her house is just nauseating, and it is strong enough to penetrate the walls and stink up my back yard. I used to love cats, but now I have nightmares about them.

My neighbors and I tried to stage a kind intervention because we felt sorry for her. We offered to help out, to clean up around the house, clean the litter boxes, etc., but she just screamed and threw cats at us like the cat lady from The Simpsons.

I’m afraid that these poor kitties are going to start dying and be left to rot on the floor, further exacerbating the problem. We don’t want her to be arrested for animal cruelty, but I’m running out of ideas. Any other alternatives?

—Not Catty in NC

—Dear Not Catty,

Probably not. You offered to help and the cat lady didn’t take you up on it. Let the authorities take care of it so that kitteh can haz moar cheezburger. Dr. Lulzington is most concerned, however, about the nightmares you’ve been having.

Please allow Dr. L to relate a personal story of his. At a very young age, Dr. L had some very mean cousins with a very mean dog. They let this dog loose on Dr. L, resulting in the loss of one of his testicles, and also resulting in a light snack for the dog. Since then, Dr. L has understandably been quite fearful of dogs. He alleviates these symptoms with a variety of drugs, such as pot, coke, and Dr. L’s personal favorite, laughing gas. Why not give it a try? It’s OK – I’m a doctor!



From → Health, humor

One Comment
  1. That’s a different kind of pussy.

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