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Tell My Mother To STFU!

December 6, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I go to a large university about two hours from home. My mother still manages to be an overprotective pain in the ass from that distance. She’s always calling me to check on me, and I can definitely count on the occasional unannounced visit at the least opportune time, such as when I’m having sex with my boyfriend.

I’m an adult now. I can’t take this! I scream, curse, and insult her relentlessly, but it doesn’t change a thing! How do I get my mother to STFU?

—Unnerved at University

—Dear Unnerved,

I don’t really see the problem. Sure, your mom is a bit overprotective, but obviously she loves and cares for you. You’re one of the lucky ones!

Since Dr. L usually deals with more severe sorts of problems, he feels that the proper advice for you is best given by 1980s icon Mr. T.:

There. Dr. Lulzington hopes this helped, and like Mr. T, you treat your mother right. Good luck, and for Jebus’ sakes, lock your door when you’re having sex! OK, scratch that. That’s no fun! 😉



I am a humorist, not a doctor (though I do impersonate one in this column). I’m not even a peer counselor. This is simply my concept of what an advice column would look like if it was run by a morally bankrupt quack psychologist. Any advice given on this site is to be taken at your own risk, or better yet, not taken at all. I am not responsible if you are crazy enough to think that Dr. Lulzington can solve your problems. He will probably make them far, far worse.

You may have fun imagining what would happen, though.


From → Family, humor

  1. Smartie permalink

    Buy her a muzzle for Christmas and may you both have a Happy New Year?

  2. Anonymous permalink

    I don’t blame you for your anger. Mother’s
    should not interfear with your slut behavior.

  3. SayNoToPaula permalink

    Yeah so when you get knocked up, who do you think is gonna take care of the kid? Mr. T is the man!

  4. They say there’s a time and a place for everything…and it’s called college!

  5. NikkiM1976 permalink

    Mr T, tell it like it is!
    That is the best video of all time.

    And to the University Slut, sign up for XTube, and maybe “host” parties with your boyfriend. College isn’t going to pay for itself you know!

  6. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

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