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My Upstairs Neighbors Have Loud Sex At Four In The Morning!

December 7, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

Above me lives a very nice, attractive, professional young couple. I don’t know them that well, but for the most part they seem like decent folk. The only complaint I have about them is that they wake me up at four o’clock every morning with the loudest sex you can imagine. If it weren’t for the woman screaming “Oh, baby, YES!” once in a while, I’d think her boyfriend was killing her!

Not that I really have a problem with sex noises…unless I cannot sleep on a work night because of them. Even earplugs don’t block their throes of passion. This is a sensitive subject and I don’t want to embarrass them, or myself. How do I handle this sticky matter? (no pun intended)

—Too Many Orgasms

—Dear (no such thing as) Too Many Orgasms,

Ah, neighbor sex noises…how lucky can you get? Dr. Lulzington once had a problem exactly like this. Every morning, shortly before dawn, Dr. L would awaken to his neighbor’s loud sex noises. What wonderful times!

But one morning, a horrible thing happened. This couple was being even louder than usual, and aroused the attention of some young men living in an apartment in the adjacent building. They began cheering the couple on, screaming, “YEAH! F— HER! GIVE IT TO HER HARD!!!” Unfortunately, they never made any noise during sex again. That made Dr. Lulzington sad. 😦

Oh, wait…you actually WANT the loud orgasms to stop??? Well, to each his own. Do what Dr. L’s neighbors did and your problem should be solved. Whatever.

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From → humor, Sex

6 Comments
  1. Dr. Lulz speaks the truth!

    • I would hire an old lady to knock on their door and greet them wearing nothing but a trench-coat. When they open the door, she should ask if this was the party and then show them her “goods”! That way, everytime they go at it they can’t get that image out of their minds!

  2. Ann permalink

    How rude!

  3. nomad permalink

    Bang on the door and ask to join in

  4. I would think that just by knocking on the neighbors door and explaining that you really do like the sounds but you appreciate sleep.

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