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Slut vs. Skank (Update 2: My Sister Is A Skank!)

December 14, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

My sister wrote to you a couple of times in the past couple of months about my sexual activity, or as she likes to call it, “skankiness”. (By the way, thanks to you and to “Smartie” for getting us on the road to our new career paths in amateur adult video!)

But I am NOT a skank! Skanks don’t wash and have diseases. I am clean and respect my body, including my body’s need for sexual pleasure, therefore I am merely a slut. My sister does not understand this and continues to put me down and call me a skank. Since you’re such a fan of our work, perhaps you can pass some wisdom along to us. I hope you agree with me!

—Not A Skank

—Dear Not A Skank,

Of course Dr. Lulzington agrees! Why wouldn’t he? Yes, if you are clean, you’re a slut. If you’re dirty (the bad kind), and spread diseases like butter on hot toast, you’re a skank. A filthy, filthy skank.

This reminds Dr. L of an adult film he once saw. After this woman got done servicing several rough-looking guys, she insisted on using the shower before leaving, declaring, “I may be slutty, but I’m not skanky.” Dr. L was moved to tears by this incredible show of inner depth. It gives Dr. L the greatest honor and pleasure to pass this wisdom on to your still-judgmental sister. Good luck and happy slutting! 😛

(scroll down for comments)

My Sister Is A Skank!

Update 11/22 – My Sister Is A Skank!

Disclaimer

I am a humorist, not a doctor (though I do impersonate one in this column). I’m not even a peer counselor. This is simply my concept of what an advice column would look like if it was run by a morally bankrupt quack psychologist. Any advice given on this site is to be taken at your own risk, or better yet, not taken at all. I am not responsible if you are crazy enough to think that Dr. Lulzington can solve your problems. He will probably make them far, far worse.

You may have fun imagining what would happen, though.

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From → Health, Sex, Updates

6 Comments
  1. Smartie permalink

    Hurrah! So when can we buy your movies?!

  2. Dr. Lulz, would one be considered a slut if they took it up the ass instead of actual vaginal penetration? You see, I’m still a virgin, my hymen is still in tact but I am very active with the boys at my school. Im told that anal sex is not considered a violation of one’s purity. Is this true?

    • Whatever helps you sleep at night. *coughSLUTcough*

    • Smartie permalink

      It’s completely true, Virgin! Neither is hand jobs or even partial penetration as long as he doesn’t cum. Totally!

      You should contact Constantine Maroulis. He’d love to hear from you.

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