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Why Won’t Women Have Sex With Each Other In Front Of Me?

December 19, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I am a heterosexual male. As I’m sure you know, it’s every heterosexual male’s fantasy to see two women making sweet love with each other. I don’t seem to have any luck making it happen, though.

This has become an obsession for me. Porn is not enough, I need to see it live. My girlfriend has refused to partake and has threatened to leave me if I keep this up. None of my lesbian friends want to do it in front of me.  What can I do?

—Sapphic Sam

Dear Sapphic Sam,

Dr. Lulzington understands. He, too, (although he’s bi) loves to watch two women going at it in all kinds of ways. Now, for Dr. Lulzington, it’s easy, because he’s a doctor. There isn’t much some people won’t do to spend time with him.

For you, I would suggest being more creative. Why not hire a couple of women? Many of them come cheap (no pun intended), and you’ll be contributing to the local economy. It’s win-win!

Dr. Lulzington loves cheap whores. Go for it!


I am a humorist, not a doctor (though I do impersonate one in this column). I’m not even a peer counselor. This is simply my concept of what an advice column would look like if it was run by a morally bankrupt quack psychologist. Any advice given on this site is to be taken at your own risk, or better yet, not taken at all. I am not responsible if you are crazy enough to think that Dr. Lulzington can solve your problems. He will probably make them far, far worse.

You may have fun imagining what would happen, though.


From → humor, Sex

  1. sapphic sam it is men like you that make me want to wipe out the male race at times. Your girlfriend is an awsome girl for saying no to you. You are a pervert, sicko

  2. What is it with you not reading what the site is about? It’s a joke. Read the disclaimer and calm down.

    By the way, it’s spelled “R-E-V-E-L-A-T-I-O-N”. I figured that if you’re writing a book you may want to spell the title correctly. You’re welcome. 🙂

  3. Smartie permalink

    I think Sam needs to get busy with rantingkame, who sounds equally as sexually frustrated. On camera, naturally. If they stream that online I’m sure plenty people will want to join in and give Sam the fantasy he’s after!

  4. That’s OK if you’re young. Just don’t wait until you’re 32, you’ll turn out like this person:

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