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My Husband Wants An Open Relationship!

December 29, 2009

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I am a 42-year-old gay male, and I have been with my husband for over 15 years. My husband, “Jack” is 35, and I am the only man he’s ever been with. We’ve had a very happy relationship until recently, when Jack announced that he wants to have some sexual exploration outside the marriage.

I know this is common in the gay community, but I’m kind of old-fashioned. I believe in monogamy. How can I convince Jack to stay close to home without alienating him from me further?

—Traditional Gay In America

Dear Traditional Gay,

Let’s see if Dr. Lulzington heard you correctly. You are a man, who loves other men, who only wants to be with one man?

No offense, but are you sure you don’t have a vagina?

Dr. Lulzington sometimes wishes that HE was exclusively gay. Gays rule, because without women to ground them in their sexuality, life becomes a sexual free-for-all. Not only does Dr. L think Jack should sleep around, but you should, too. The two of you should come for a private session with Dr. L where he can teach you both the joys of extramarital gayplay.

Good luck, and let Dr. L know when your man junk comes in.


I am a humorist, not a doctor (though I do impersonate one in this column). I’m not even a peer counselor. This is simply my concept of what an advice column would look like if it was run by a morally bankrupt quack psychologist. Any advice given on this site is to be taken at your own risk, or better yet, not taken at all. I am not responsible if you are crazy enough to think that Dr. Lulzington can solve your problems. He will probably make them far, far worse.

You may have fun imagining what would happen, though.


From → humor, Relationships, Sex

  1. part_sabrina permalink

    I am often mistaken for having a #vagina.

  2. Chill out and grease up. Bitch.

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