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Dr. Lulzington Confidential #1: I Am Want For Eating Your Sex

January 6, 2010

Confidential to I Am Want For Eating Your Sex: He’s talking about cunnilingus. So what if he’s ugly? He could have a power tongue! Go for it!

Confidential to You Suck, Asshole!: Hold on a minute now…did Dr. Lulzington put the gun to your sister’s head and force her to shoot meth? No. Did a put a knife to her throat and threaten to kill her if she didn’t get back into devil worship? No, but she tried doing that to Dr. Lulzington. His escape was miraculous. Please don’t tell her where Dr. L is.

Confidential to Just Wanted To Get Into The Club: Dr. Lulzington saw your hot, sexy photos, and totally agrees with you, but that guy probably has just been hustled enough times to smell a deceitful whore from a mile away. Pick your suckers more carefully next time.

Confidential to Cleans Her Share: So what if your roommate likes to huff the cleaning solvents before she cleans the house? She’s getting the job done, right?

Confidential to Sexually Frustrated One-Legged Hermaphrodite: Dr. Lulzington has sent you an envelope with a bus ticket to his whereabouts. Round trip, naturally.

Disclaimer

I am a humorist, not a doctor (though I do impersonate one in this column). I’m not even a peer counselor. This is simply my concept of what an advice column would look like if it was run by a morally bankrupt quack psychologist. Any advice given on this site is to be taken at your own risk, or better yet, not taken at all. I am not responsible if you are crazy enough to think that Dr. Lulzington can solve your problems. He will probably make them far, far worse.

You may have fun imagining what would happen, though.

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From → humor, Relationships, Sex

One Comment
  1. NikkiM1976 permalink

    Love it!

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