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My Mother Thinks She’s A Teenager!

January 17, 2010

Dear Dr. Lulzington,
I have a big problem.  I’m a 16 yr old girl, who has a close relationship with her mother, a little too close now. We used to get along great, but now, she never leaves me alone!  She offers to drive me and my friends around, she stays up with us during my slumber parties, and she even text messages my friends to “see what’s up”.   She has even started borrowing my clothes!  Doctor, how can I get her to back the eff up and just be my mom, not my BFF?  And how to I get my clothes to stretch back to MY size?
Sincerely,
Can’t Breathe!

Dear Can’t Breathe,

It sounds like your mother is looking to relive her second childhood. Luckily, you will not have to resort to doing anything worse than convincing your mother that American Idol is THE show to watch.

When you watch with her, point out some of the less attractive male singers and talk about how hot they are. You see, your mother is better off hanging out with what’s known in the Idol world as “frauen”, or middle-aged, married women who lust after young singers half their age.

Chances are, once she latches on to one of these poor losers, that’s the last you’ll see of her until next January, as she’ll be parking her fat ass on every ticket line in the country for her new object of lust.

Have fun – and enjoy your freedom! I guarantee it lies just around the corner.

Disclaimer

I am a humorist, not a doctor (though I do impersonate one in this column). I’m not even a peer counselor. This is simply my concept of what an advice column would look like if it was run by a morally bankrupt quack psychologist. Any advice given on this site is to be taken at your own risk, or better yet, not taken at all. I am not responsible if you are crazy enough to think that Dr. Lulzington can solve your problems. He will probably make them far, far worse.

You may have fun imagining what would happen, though.

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From → Family, humor, Teen Issues

3 Comments
  1. Did they really ask that? permalink

    the truth. i like the post.

    Cheap web ads still available on my blog about the stupidest questions people have asked online:
    http://www.theyaskedthat.wordpress.com

  2. Great stuff, adding you to my blogroll.

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