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Why Won’t Justin Bieber Stop Trending On Twitter?

March 19, 2010

Dear Dr. Lulzington,

I know that you’re on twitter (@drlulzington), so I am guessing that you are as aware and as annoyed as I am that Justin Bieber is always trending on Twitter. Who the hell is this kid, anyway, and why are people so damn obsessed with him? Isn’t it enough that we had to deal with that Hannah Montana brat for years? I try to tune it out, but there is no escape! Help!

—Biebered Out On Twitter

—Dear Biebered Out,

Yes, Dr. Lulzington is aware of the Bieber trends on Twitter. He is very dismayed by them as well.

Dr. Lulzington does not know why this boy is famous. He just knows that he’s some singer who looks like Zac Efron’s kid brother, and that young, attractive lesbians love to emulate his look.  He’s so clean cut and family-friendly and people seem to want a piece of him like they’re all starving and he’s the only stale piece of bread left in the desert.

Dr. Lulzington believes that this, indeed, is the perfect recipe for a future drug addict. Just ask Leif Garrett, the Justin Bieber of the 1970s! Dr. L knows drug addicts, as you know, and wonders if he should start a pool for when little Justin’s first crack arrest will be. 2013? 2014? Has it already happened? Time will tell.

In conclusion, Dr. Lulzington can’t stop Twitter trends. He can only take another whiff from his nitrous tank and wait for people to grow weary of this latest fad, or for the sweet, sweet release of death. Either/or. Tomato, to-mah-to.

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From → Celebrities, humor

3 Comments
  1. Blame young girls in Brazil. They are behind most obnoxious Twitter topics.

    I think they just need to block all mention of him. Anywhere. Everywhere.

    • Twitter can take subjects off the trend list, can’t they? Do three variations of JB need to be on that list at all hours? *tears hair out*

  2. CayKat permalink

    When twitter develops an option for blocking trending topics, let me know. I will be clicking that shit as if my life depended on it.

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