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An Open Letter To Sandra Bullock

March 22, 2010

Dear Sandra Bullock,

As a rule, Dr. Lulzington chooses to leave celebrities well enough alone. However, the unfolding events of the past week have made Dr. L want to reach out to you and to advise you to RUN, SANDRA, RUN!!!

At first, as much as he hates to admit it, Dr. L was sort of intrigued by the story of America’s Sweetheart and her bad boy hubby. Dr. L was happy when you won the Oscar. Dr. L has even liked some of your romantic comedies, and Dr. L hates romantic comedies like a venereal disease. So that ought to say something about your skills as an actor. More about that later. As the last ever guest on the Barbara Walters post-Oscar special, you went on and on about how your success was due to your loving husband having your back.

Then, bad boy hubby gets caught cheating with an alleged Neo-Nazi.

We’ve seen the articles. We know that Nazi Skank considers Mein Kampf and The Turner Diaries her favorite reading.

We know about her swastika tattoo and her “WP” tattoo, which probably doesn’t stand for “Wet Pussy” as Nazi Skank claims. While Dr. L likes his men and women rough, he certainly doesn’t like them ignorant and racist. Sadly, though, Jesse James doesn’t seem to mind the Nazi thing so much (or the cheating thing).

You do not need this, Sandra Bullock. You are America’s F–king Sweetheart. You can actually make a romantic comedy, the worst genre of film next to hate propaganda, watchable. This has nothing to do with your husband. That was all you. You can do this on your own.

Plus, Betty White seems to adore you. Nobody who is adored by Betty White can be bad in any way. I have always believed this. My motto is: Loved by Betty White, get into Heaven.

Normally, Dr. L would advise you to shrug your shoulders and jump in for some tat-laden bi threesome fun, but if you were ever inclined to do that, you could do better than these subhumans. Run, Sandra, run! Run into the night as fast as you can, and kick your Nazi to the curb. Kick him as hard as you can in his vanilla gorilla and leave the scraps for Nazi Skank to pick up with her bitch mouth. Because those nasty gutter punks (even too nasty for Dr. L) deserve each other, and you deserve to love yourself, girl. You know Agent Hart would totally kick ass in this situation, and Dr. L has faith that you, Sandra Bullock, will as well.

Good luck. Dr. L and millions of people are on your side. Except maybe for some methed-out skinheads.

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3 Comments
  1. A to the men. Seriously. That Jesse James is quickly getting on the world’s shit list. I’m not a huge romantic comedy fan either (Just kidding I kind of am… shhh) But seriously. That girl deserves better. You tell her Dr. L!!!

  2. NikkiM1976 permalink

    Once again Dr Lulz, you are spot on.

    Sandra can do so much better that half evolved diseased dickscum.

    Let him have his Nazi bitch, and Sandra can take her multimillions, and her Oscar, and keep her head held high. She IS America’s fucking Sweetheart, and Jesse James is a stupid, retarded, idiot fuckstick who has no idea what he had. Really Jesse? REALLY??? You actually chose that disgusting skank over SANDRA BULLOCK? Enjoy your new found STDs asshole.

  3. chikkijaxun permalink

    Sandra’s Oscar makes for a better husband than that piece of shit. I betcha the Oscar packs a bigger “punch” too!

    Jesse got no balls

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